I am a slightly socially awkward person, I admit it. In fact I recently realized I go out of my way to avoid certain situations. If the streetcar looks full, I'll wait for the next one, I want that single seat! If I'm shopping and I see someone from high school, I go down the next aisle, and even consider abandoning my cart to avoid them. Whenever possible I try to get a desk between myself and reps from work so I don't have to hug them. (Don't even get me started on the whole hugging situation!)
The other day I had an important person from one of the companies I work with come into my store to check out their section. They were French, and their company is very prestigious, and I had no desk between me and them. I tried very hard to gauge the situation. I started to go for the handshake, and then decided she was the type to go for a hug. I got ready for a hug, and I went in for it, but she surprised me with the side cheek kiss. I almost recovered without to much of a blunder, and as I pulled away, she went in for the second cheek kiss! I had like 4 feet between us when I realized she was going for that second kiss, so, I had to rush/lean forward and I smushed my cheek against hers, but the damage was done. We were both very aware that I had messed up.
Here's what bothers me about this situation. WTF?!?!? Why can't we handshake??? I want a firm handshake. A handshake can reveal so much about a person! If your hand goes limp, guarantee I am not going to like you! If you shake my hand and then clasp your free hand over mine, odds are you are gonna creep me out, as you feel the need to show your dominance over me, or the exact opposite, I think you are incredible good looking, and I won't let go of your hand, so it is necessary for you to put your free hand on top of mine to pry mine off! If you have a nice firm handshake, I'm probably gonna try and make my handshake slightly more aggressive, but I will like you!
What the flip can you learn about a person from side cheek kisses? Jack all that's what!! What are you hiding for?? Why are you hiding behind an archaic feminine greeting? What is it you don't want me to know??? Congratulations, just by saying hello the wrong way, means I am now suspicious, on edge, and uncomfortable, as I clearly have issues with this form of greeting!
Bottom line is, I am a strong fierce independent woman who doesn't need to side cheek kiss hello. Give me a good firm handshake any day of the week! Fuck the side cheek kiss! It's 2011! Bring it!
