The Monster

If you ask someone who they may want to meet the answers may vary. Some may say the Dali Lama, some may say Picasso, some may even say the twilight trio. Me?? It's none of the above. The person I wanna meet most, is The Monster That Lives In My Tupperware Cupboard. Not to be confused with The Monster Who Steals Socks (or in my case seems to chew little holes in them...)
You may wonder why I want to meet him so badly. The reason is simple; I just want to know why? Why just the Tupperware lids? What is it about them that is so much better than the bottoms? I am for sure intrigued by his choices. I would like to discuss them with him, maybe something happened to him as a child, and this is how he deals with it. Maybe I offended him at some point, so in order to retaliate he eats my lids. Maybe he has a little monster baby that has been kidnapped, and the ransom is Tupperware lids (that would explain why everyone I know has the same problem as me). Maybe he just likes the colours, who knows?? All I am sure of is that he visits at least once a week, and he seems to like the colours blue and red, because those are the lids that go first.
You may wonder why I assume The Monster That Lives In My Tupperware Cupboard is a man and not a woman, so lets get real here for a second. A woman would never steal another woman's Tupperware lid, that's just mean. If the monster were female, the lids would reappear just after you bought and opened some new Tupperware. Well, that's what I would do if I were being a bitchy monster, I assume all woman think that way...
Now you may classify this as a first world problem, and I wouldn't disagree. In fact I realize I am very fortunate that this is even a problem, but that doesn't make it any less frustrating. Or that I can't have a need to meet The Monster. What's his nationality? Was he born here or did he move here? If so, how long ago? Does he have an accent, and if he does, what kind? Is he racist? Does he like the Toronto Maple Leafs? I feel like if I work hard enough maybe we can even be friends. Maybe I can even help him deal with his Tupperware addiction, if it is an addiction. Because of me, suffering all over the world could end! Well that is if there is only one Monster, otherwise we are all screwed!
Once I'm besties with The Monster That Lives In The Tupperware cupboard, I plan on politely asking him if I can talk to his cousin- The Thing In My Bag That Knots Up My Head Phones. How does he manage to tangle them so quickly?? That guy is a real dick.

The Offering

Do you know what sucks? When you offer your seat to a pregnant woman or an elderly person, or someone in a cast, and they say no thanks. The sucky part isn't that they say no, it's that everyone who is standing around you who didn't hear you offer the seat- is judging you. Today was case in point. I offered my seat (I was the last person in the row of the first half of the streetcar) to a woman holding a baby, but she said no she needed to bounce the baby to keep her quiet, I oooh'd and aaaaah'd over the baby, then went back to my game of solitaire. Could I enjoy my game of solitaire you ask? No! Why? Because every person who didn't have a seat was standing there judging me! Those d-bags assumed she wanted a seat, and I didn't offer her one. There was this one woman who made a point of offering her a seat when the one in front of me was empty (FYI the guy who was sitting there also offered the woman with a baby his seat) she said, and I quote “Ma'am, would you like to actually sit?” Fuck you! I offered and she declined, don't judge me! And, I am not sitting in the first 5 seats. She passed 7 rows before she got to me! Judge them, not me! And how do you know I don't have something wrong with me the requires me to sit? I don't, but you don't know that you judgy prick!
Now, you may say Carolyn, calm down, don't let them bother you, you know what you did, so who cares what they think? Well I don't want to calm down! Maybe if we could is some way point out the people who don't want seats, like make them wear a sign or something, that would be good.
The other fine line that I have had issues with the streetcar and the seat offering is how do you tell if they are elderly? Men aren't so difficult to spot, but women can be a little bit trickier. Sometimes you think should I offer them my seat? She looks like she is late 60's, but maybe not? I've seen some rough looking forty year old's! For men it's easy, they can just pretend they are chivalrous. But what is the solution for women? And what about pregnant woman? Sometimes you just can't tell! I think we need to make them wear signs as well. Let's eliminate all of the guess work, and that way we can judge those who should be judged. And you know who I am talking about, those jerks who sit in the 4 seats at the front, you know the seats that have the little signs above them saying who they are reserved for. Let's all judge them together!