The Monster

If you ask someone who they may want to meet the answers may vary. Some may say the Dali Lama, some may say Picasso, some may even say the twilight trio. Me?? It's none of the above. The person I wanna meet most, is The Monster That Lives In My Tupperware Cupboard. Not to be confused with The Monster Who Steals Socks (or in my case seems to chew little holes in them...)
You may wonder why I want to meet him so badly. The reason is simple; I just want to know why? Why just the Tupperware lids? What is it about them that is so much better than the bottoms? I am for sure intrigued by his choices. I would like to discuss them with him, maybe something happened to him as a child, and this is how he deals with it. Maybe I offended him at some point, so in order to retaliate he eats my lids. Maybe he has a little monster baby that has been kidnapped, and the ransom is Tupperware lids (that would explain why everyone I know has the same problem as me). Maybe he just likes the colours, who knows?? All I am sure of is that he visits at least once a week, and he seems to like the colours blue and red, because those are the lids that go first.
You may wonder why I assume The Monster That Lives In My Tupperware Cupboard is a man and not a woman, so lets get real here for a second. A woman would never steal another woman's Tupperware lid, that's just mean. If the monster were female, the lids would reappear just after you bought and opened some new Tupperware. Well, that's what I would do if I were being a bitchy monster, I assume all woman think that way...
Now you may classify this as a first world problem, and I wouldn't disagree. In fact I realize I am very fortunate that this is even a problem, but that doesn't make it any less frustrating. Or that I can't have a need to meet The Monster. What's his nationality? Was he born here or did he move here? If so, how long ago? Does he have an accent, and if he does, what kind? Is he racist? Does he like the Toronto Maple Leafs? I feel like if I work hard enough maybe we can even be friends. Maybe I can even help him deal with his Tupperware addiction, if it is an addiction. Because of me, suffering all over the world could end! Well that is if there is only one Monster, otherwise we are all screwed!
Once I'm besties with The Monster That Lives In The Tupperware cupboard, I plan on politely asking him if I can talk to his cousin- The Thing In My Bag That Knots Up My Head Phones. How does he manage to tangle them so quickly?? That guy is a real dick.